"I'll tell you the secret of how to deal with people. You find out, as far as possible, what they want and then try and see if you can get them to want it all along the lines of what you're trying to sell." That's an interesting way to look at life -- using your product or service as a mechanism for helping others obtain what will make them happy or lead them toward success. It's actually so simple that it sounds trite... But think about whether its simplistic nature is due to our inability to carry it out, or because it doesn't work . He got me thinking about my relationships. Here I am talking about women like I'm sort of relationship expert (and I am, to be honest) and I don't think I'm doing a very good job of relating with people. I've been musing over the definition of success in relationships. The traditional view is that if both partners are happy, then it's a successful relationship. And this makes sense... But who defines 'happiness'? For one person, happiness may come from spending time together; for another it might be coming home early and finding your partner already there to give you support and love; and yet another may need his or her personal space and time alone. And what about sex? Is it just something that happens or is it an important part of being satisfied in a relationship? And what about that other essential element of lasting love: respect, admiration and trust? Do we expect them all to be there at the same time or can we settle for less and still consider our relationship a success? What form does happiness take for you? Where should it appear in your partner's list of priorities if you want your relationship to work? Can these things be negotiated or is there only one kind of working relationship between men and women. Look around at happy couples (friends, stars on TV, etc.) and try to notice what they seem to have in common... Is it because they don't all share the same view of what a successful love life looks like that they're able to stay together...? Well, I think it's important to choose partners whose needs are compatible with yours. On the other hand, you should expect your partner to make some allowances for you occasionally. I suppose what this comes down to is that both parties need to be ready and willing (if not always able) to compromise, whereas neither of them should feel like they're compromising too much or settling for second best. It can't help but influence their behaviour whether they know it or not... Because if one of them is feeling disgruntled about how 'happy' the relationship makes them, then eventually they'll start acting discontented. Remember, happiness isn't something you find; it's something you create . So knowing what will keep your partner (and yourself) happy is easier than you might think. Here are three areas to consider: y Appearance We all want our partner to look attractive but it's important not to obsess about their appearance. A good way of nurturing love and respect for each other is by helping (not forcing) one another to be healthy; that doesn't mean becoming obsessed with your weight or how often you exercise, however. If you're constantly pressuring them into going on diets then they'll resent that because it feels as if you don't find them attractive anymore – even if that's not the case… And there could come a time where they feel too insecure without a constant reminder from you to resist a chocolate bar or a bread roll, so they overeat and put on weight. In which case you'll find yourself becoming increasingly concerned about their health and how it reflects badly on you. So buy them a new outfit for a special occasion or give them some surprise 'just because' gifts that remind them how much you love the way they look just as they are . Sex Respect your partner's sexual desires (or lack thereof). It takes time to become familiar with another person intimately and even though there may be an initial attraction it doesn't always turn into something deeper; in fact, many couples start having sex long before they really get to know each other. So unless both of you feel totally comfortable about physical intimacy right from the start, it can be really off putting for one party if they're not ready to sleep with you yet. If a guy's experienced a lot of sexual relationships then he may want to wait until he feels totally secure with his new lady before taking things further; whereas a more reserved girl might run a mile... But don't try and rush your partner into doing something they're uncomfortable with as it will only lead to them resenting you because they won't feel free to trust you 100%. And, as much as possible, make sure that everything – including sex – is based on mutual consent between both partners. Respect Some people put up walls around themselves, which makes it difficult for others to get close. This is most likely because they've been hurt in the past and don't want to risk their heart ever being broken again; which is understandable... But if you truly care about someone and you believe there's a good connection between you, then you can both deal with your problems together and make each other stronger in the long term. In fact, acting as mutual support for one another will not only strengthen your bond but it will also help each of you to become more emotionally mature . So even though compromise isn't always easy, I wish every couple success on their journey to building a happy future by choosing someone whose needs are compatible with their own .