Researchers have found that dating preferences may vary across cultures, but in the US one quality trumps all others: kindness. It’s a cliché that dating can be difficult—and even more so when you add cultural differences into the mix. But dating is hard wherever it’s done, and researchers have found that dating preferences may vary across cultures , whether they're looking for a life partner or just a casual fling . For example, in online dating studies conducted by Eli Finkel, PhD, from Northwestern University and Paul Eastwick, PhD, from Texas A&M University who reported their findings in The New York Times this past January, women from Columbia were most interested in men with money and status—but well-educated women from the United States were more likely to respond to intelligent men who showed dating interest in them. Men, on the other hand, are interested in women of all kinds—from all over the world. "We found that both sexes care very much about ‘finding someone who is kind and understanding’," says Finkel. His dating advice to men: "Look for women who have warmth toward others." Women, conversely, should seek out guys who treat them well. But while dating may be hard anywhere you go, dating in America can present some unique challenges when it comes to different cultural expectations about dating behavior or group dating versus keeping your dating life separate from your social life , Szalavitz says. Interacting with strangers outside the confines of your group, dating before you know who has a long-term dating partner, and dating lots of people at once are all examples of behaviors that can make life difficult for folks from more traditional cultures. And, according to Finkel’s research, many people are looking for relationships with partners who are ethically or morally upstanding—a quality he found to be more important than religiousness among US women. "That stinks if you're dating someone whose ethics don't line up with yours," says Szalavitz. "Your values may never coincide." As it turns out, there's one quality that trumps all other dating preferences across cultures: kindness . ""We think this might be because kindness is an extremely important quality people look for in friends, life partners, and dating partners alike," says Finkel. "It's also very desirable across all cultures." "Kindness is one of the top qualities sought by both men and women, even if they're looking to hook up on dating apps ," Szalavitz agrees. "Though it’s obvious that guys walking dogs or [playing with] babies attract women, men also seek evidence of caring about something other than them—in this case their dating partner." So what does kindness mean? According to Steve Santagati , dating expert and author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Act & Date Women (Adams Media) , kindness means dating someone who is easy to be around, thoughtful, caring, and able to forgive—someone who isn’t needy. "[Kindness] also means dating someone you are confident will not harm you physically or emotionally," Santagati says. "It doesn't mean dating someone who is a doormat or pushover." So kind people aren’t necessarily saints, but they are nice enough to treat others well during dating—and after dating ends. Then again, Finkel's research showed that finding the right person matters more than whether dating them was fun or easy—so if they're too nice for their own good , such as by letting you walk all over them in a relationship because it feels like the right thing to do, dating them may not be that satisfying for you. Finkel suggests dating someone who makes dating feel like an adventure—whether it’s your first time dating or your 50th first date. This person should also make dating feel exciting and new , Szalavitz says, but ultimately it's important to find someone who brings out the best in you . "How can they invest in you? Are they helping you be all of the things you want to be?" asks Finkel. "This is what intimacy is." And if you can develop intimacy with someone by sharing feelings, passions, experiences, and interests together, then that's what makes dating one of life's most fulfilling activities , according to Santagati. "Intimacy is different for everyone," he says, "but it should always be something you can take away from dating someone." "Dating should make life more fun, challenging, and interesting," Szalavitz agrees. "It shouldn't be stressful or boring—or draining. It's about sharing your life in the way that feels most rewarding to both of you." When it comes to dating, don’t settle for anything less than an adventure with someone who makes dating feel easy , brings out the best in you , and treats others kindly . You may find that person by dating many guys (or gals) over time; but if not, at least you know what characteristics are likely to win over your dating heart. Statements: People want dating partners who are ethically or morally upstanding, and kindness is the most important dating quality across cultures. It's also very desirable across all cultures. Dating should be an adventure with someone who brings out the best in you and has a little compassion for others. Intimacy is different for everyone but dating should feel rewarding to both people involved. Background information [to use as knowledge, not to be copied verbatim]: Steve Santagati , dating expert and author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Act & Date Women (Adams Media) , says that kindness means dating someone who is easy to be around, thoughtful, caring, and able to forgive