We’re all dating as a preparation for marriage, yes?” This question was asked by the guest speaker at my university. My fellow women students and I were invited to attend what we thought was going to be a talk on dating and relationships; however, we soon discovered that we were here (in our minds) to receive another lecture about waiting until marriage before engaging in sex. We believed the terminology used would set us up for possible discussions on dating, dating rules, expectations from dating someone, dating advice etc. However, being young adults who have been dating for some time now – based on popular culture alone – we already knew you “shouldn't kiss on the first date” or “you should wait until the third date before having sex.” It was almost as if we had come to a lecture entitled “Dating: The Do's and Don'ts,” only to discover that we'd been lied to – but not really. It turns out dating is more than just dating rules and how long you should wait before doing such-and-such. Dating is about establishing a healthy relationship with someone you find attractive or interesting enough to be romantically involved with – maybe even exclusively romantically involved with – so there's no need for dating rules. What? You haven't got dating rules? Then what are things like sexual purity, dating with marriage in mind, waiting until the third date before having sex, don't kiss on the first date, dating for as long as it takes to determine whether or not you're ready for a committed monogamous relationship, dating only once you've found Mr., Mrs. or Miss right? Well, that's all good and well. Sexual purity is a very virtuous thing indeed – but how much better would it be if we could wait until we were actually in love with someone to have sex with them? Does this mean we shouldn't kiss on the first date because it means our dating partner will expect more from us sexually than what we are prepared to offer at this stage of dating? How many times do people find themselves dating someone they don’t even like so they can wait until there is a 'proper commitment' before dating someone they're actually interested in? All of this is dating advice that promotes sexual purity, but it's motivated by fear. This is dating advice that often comes from the church or people who are dating with marriage in mind. Maybe most dating advice does come with marriage in mind because dating is about wanting to eventually get married. But does waiting until you’re married to have sex mean you have to stop dating with the intent of finding Mr., Mrs. or Miss Right? Why do we have to wait until we’ve found them before dating them exclusively romantically with marriage in mind? While I was listening to the guest speaker at my university talk, I realized she probably meant well when she started out her speech with the dating tip about dating being a preparation for marriage. I mean, dating is a preparation for marriage. The problem occurs when dating is only seen as a way to prepare for something in the future and not living in the present moment. Life doesn't always happen in a linear fashion; people date because they want to meet someone they could potentially be involved with romantically who may or may not end up being their spouse. If dating was only about meeting your future spouse, why would you actually need dating advice? Dating advice tends to favor people who are looking for long-term relationships based on romantic compatibility between partners rather than casual dating where both partners aren't looking much further ahead than what's going to happen after Friday night. In other dating advice, dating is best done in groups with friends so you can get to know your dating partner better and see how they interact with others. More dating advice tells you dating should always be fun and casual – if things don't work out between you and your dating partner at least it was a nice experience. However, this seems like dating is only about having fun and getting to know someone enough that maybe down the line if things work out then you could be romantically involved; otherwise keep dating other people until it does. But what if we want to date exclusively because we’re actually interested in our date? What if we want to make dating as much fun as possible – but not for the sake of hooking up – because we want to be dating one person exclusively? If dating was fun and casual because you were enjoying dating but it could potentially lead nowhere, why give dating advice at all? Dating advice is usually for people who want a committed relationship – a serious dating partner rather than someone to have casual sex with. It's the best way to weed out unsuitable dating partners – if they don't respond well or aren't interested in your plans for dating then chances are they aren’t going to be a suitable long-term dating partner either. And this is where dating becomes difficult – when we're not sure whether we should actually entertain someone as a potential dating partner just because of their looks or personality. This is typically where problems arise from that tip about*** 7. Know your date's name and use it! Remembering a person's name is a sure way to make them feel positive about you. 8. Dress the part of someone who is dating, that knows what they're doing, and has a clue about fashion. This will reflect on the other person as well, whether you want it to or not [...]. If you’re eager to meet your date or are excited to see them, make sure it shows. Feel positive about the date, and the person you’re meeting will feel positive around you too." [Article end]